And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
