I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
