Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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