I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
