We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
