I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am one with the molecules
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
