I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
