jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
