i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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