hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
