shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
