Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
