Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
