Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
