She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
