I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
