i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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