I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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