you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
