It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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