in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
