College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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