Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
