i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
