Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
