the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have aggressive nipples.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
