the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
