He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
