I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
