Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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