You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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