I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
