btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
