i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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