plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
