Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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