Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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