dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
