I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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