Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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