How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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