I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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