He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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