i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You are the jesus of drinking
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
