I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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