you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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