Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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