Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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