I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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