I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
