I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
