when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
