Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This gyro tastes like lonliness
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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