bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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